Is it bad to feel that urge? I mean, that urge?
I don't mean to be dirty, but you all know the classic story of society's pressures on a 20-year-old man like me. Perhaps it's precisely because I'm that age. I was reading through old blog entries yesterday, since I was finished early again, when I chanced upon something that Issa
said two years ago
: "date a nice girl na kasi.
I've been complaining about this for the longest time - the past year, the same subject - but I never really addressed the feeling. And, as time passes by, it gets more and more confusing. Consider that people consider physical contact as something unnecessary, and consider that it's something I actually need. It's a tug of war, literally.
And then there are the reminders. I guess this should be the subject of whatever newspaper contribution
I'm thinking of, but in a nutshell, I feel torn by my age. Surrounded by younger people and
older people, and feeling that no one is meant for you, just as you are surrounded by carefree college students noodling in their restaurant tables.
The past twenty-four hours, Issa's words have been echoing on my head - although not in her familiar-but-unusual deep voice, since we still have yet to meet personally - and, well, it's getting a little annoying. Oh, if only I'd stop entertaining that thought and start thinking that you don't really need that noodle factor to get through this world. And then everything that I've written before comes to mind. For one, it always seems easier when others do it. Or, I just don't like admitting my feelings, perhaps some ditty about weakness, perhaps about having to stick to it, whatever. I did tell you it was complicated.
That's just the emotional part. Wait till you hear me talk about the other things. Considering my history with discussing that kind of urge
, well, I'll struggle with the idea that this is normal, and the idea that it is socially taboo. And with that, I have nothing else to say.
Oh, there's a reason for all those celebrity crushes.