Half past four and I'm awake again. Basically my mind was in between advanced radio production class and journalism class, in things that I've given too much time on, and otherwise. The moment I switched my mobile on, I got one text message and it was utterly familiar to the rest of us.

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My conversation with Jason over lunch today was a bit unusual. Maybe it's because we haven't talked about anything else but thesis for the past term or so - this time, we were talking about all of my online friends, from my "missed opportunities" with Issa to the meet-up with Lizette. Oh, and something else - what basically amounts to a date, at least in his opinion. And I was trying my best to act civil, since I was itching to get back to doing what I was working on.

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I absolutely don't have a social life.

And I'm definitely envious of everybody else. The world has made revolutions and I'm still facing the monitor, reading all of your stories about film shoots, parties and anything else that's interesting. And I, I absolutely still don't have a social life.

I have always said that I'll survive not having one. I've always been a once-in-a-while person, occasionally (or, more usually, rarely, if never) obliging to one's invitation to have fun. Call me a sleepyhead, but I have always preferred to sleep. If I was out I'd be very observant, and my companions would think I'm being academic. But there goes my reputation. There's this conversation I had with Jason a long time ago, when I asked him about him not updating his blog. His answer: he has more of a social life, and I don't.

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Kor and Piyar somehow managed to put it in words very succinctly. The options that I have, however, aren't really the best ones.

And funnily enough, my simple requests never make it out alive.

For some reason I was having another mood swing before I went home. Anna must be right - I must be a girl, enduring that time of the month. Kidding aside, though, somehow it finally happened. I didn't really have to think of anything, although I was outside the room more times than I anticipated. I was pretty restless, frequently stage phoning to justify my visits to the great beyond.

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Now the evening news programs are saying something about the possibility that the next typhoon's going to be a super typhoon. It is raining harder outside. If it reinforces something, it's the lack of warmth in everybody's life.

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Expectations.

People say I expect too much from them. And rightfully so. We may pretend to live under the tenets of community and anything else that's collective, but the bottom line is, we all live to save our butts from getting ripped off.

People expect so many things from other people. Sure, we all live in a society that has standards and values, and once we decide to differ slightly we're forced out. Our professors have requirements - many requirements. Our friends want conversations, commitments and sweet yams (or ultimate bonding experiences). Our lovers, well, probably want, or demand more.

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Here I go again, staring at Lizette's photo in another blog entry of hers.

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"I feel similarly melancholic and cold," I told Kizia. "How about you?"

"Just the same. But can't stay and wallow in sadness all day."

And here I go again rambling about the weather, wondering whether the cold front has left everybody with cold shoulders and cold dispositions. Today I managed to squeeze out many attempts to get rescheduled and, eventually, get nothing out of it. There's this weird scenario today when I smelled too much perfume off someone. Maybe it's the weather, but I'm selectively irritable again, perhaps because I thought I won't be able to get home.

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I was reading one of Miss Bacalla's emails and it finally sinks to me - I'm doomed with schoolwork, and it still feels like we're not yet past midterms week.

That email was talking about our individual research papers for journalism class. Now, it's basically everything we did a year ago, only to be done within four weeks, and we're supposed to interview journalists and other pertinent people. Just now an idea hatched in my head, but I still can't get around it. I really should, though. We're due to submit a one-page concept this Friday.

The video project for religion class is coming near too, and sadly this subject is on the receiving end of my cramming tendencies. Our group haven't talked about anything yet, and it's due in three weeks, too! Shiftee's thrown some ideas around and I'm sure I'll agree, if only to get things over with. On the bus home I was playing with content more than prospects, and it really isn't a nice thing to do.

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Of all the things Marcia and I would discuss last night, it was two years ago. Saliksik, to be exact. It's funny remembering that, at one point in my life, I thought that I have ruined it for me, and for the rest of my existence in college. It only took one word, one answer to Clarence's question, to make me think that I have become what I called a "block hate figure" - but, of course, you know what happened after.

The day after, I arrived on campus feeling very terrible. I climbed up Miguel's third floor and sat on the bench nearest to the stairs, just waiting for the class to start. Twenty minutes passed by, no trace of regret showing on my face, but deep inside it was there. I think it was Jino and Tracy who dragged me to M308, and when I took my seat, I was busy waiting for Sir Marasigan to come. Inevitably, I'd hear the noise of friendly chatter and laughter, and I was all the more uncomfortable.

That was two years ago. Actually, more than that, and by now - without rubbing it in - I'm pretty much considered up there. I remember receiving a comment about me having the "magic" when around people, and of course, being a bit cynical, I was a bit surprised to read that. I managed to crawl my way out of what initially was a very big hole, and now, well, people turn to me whenever they need me.

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Back to writing without an actual purpose for me. Well, there's really nothing new to write about, except maybe for us having to resubmit the concept proposal again and the usual introspective stuff.

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"Tsaka let's separate out heart from the concept na para di masyado masakit... and since tayo na lang ang natitirang Mariano group na di pa approved... take advantage na natin yung consultaton time."

"Okay lang naman sakin, eh. Isolated lang ako today sa thesis so medyo iba takbo ng utak ko ngayon."

"Ah ganun ba? Baliktad tayo kasi ako naman yung sabik for a comeback... I'm in a shrugging it off stage as of the moment."

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