And you'll end up walking on some pathway, and you see someone entirely familiar. Yes, yes, a familiar face, all right, and one you've been staring at for seconds before she leaves and she's gone, physically and ethereally, and then you're back to your old self.
I've been doing a lot of walking recently. I've been in DLSU
for two years now, and by then my memory would have accumulated a lot of familiar faces - familiar just by that, or by name, or by the fact that you're willing to deny the hurt that face somehow causes. I think it somehow sucks to realize that, first, your world has shrunk incredibly after so many weeks, and second, it's when you realize how disconnected you've been. Oh, but I love conversations, and sadly I've been getting it from one person, and suddenly intermittently at that, and I can't help but think that, again, destiny has passed over me and gave something I've always wanted to somebody else.
I thought at one point. Us guys, we always tend to look at someone we think of as attractive when she's there, and then forget about it. But, there's always this point when that one glance develops us and strangles us without any effort. Is it destiny working? And why are we always let down? But it's not everybody, though - there's always bound to be that someone, usually one who already has everything, to get something else he obviously has too much off. One can be imperfect, but one is always too perfect, and that one is always praised and everything else.
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I've already started asking Issa
to cover her name with asterisks.
Distractions are not always welcome. I've scratched my head into wanting to double-click another name on that window and talk, but all of a sudden people rush in until a door closed. Then again, I guess it's my nature to ask whenever someone claims sadness, and the moment I sort of told Issa about it I told her that it's just another attraction used to cover up the real thing. You know, drifting all too closer.
I was at the mall today. I think I bought myself three shirts, two pairs of jeans and a pair of shoes, and I think I paid almost a fourth of my tuition fee for a term. (Or, to be exact, my dad paid for that.) Somehow I decided to play You Get What You Give
on my mobile, and images rush in my head, like it always been, like some sort of visualization. And it's her, again.
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For one, I realized that out of the hundred-something photos I took yesterday
, Mara appeared in a handful - which is surprising, because for one she was one of those people who get golly-she's-Leslie
's-friend reactions from me. Yet I counted and I think she has around, what, five photos?
But for a moment, while uploading the photos this morning, I realized that she reminds me of Chrystel. Oh, but not another throwback to the almost-forgotten past, eh?
Anyway, nothing much happened. Or I shall pretend that nothing did. If you were with me before Literature 2
class you'd be surprised I am silent for minutes, then noisy the next, then back to silence. I think Meg
did pass back her depression to me; somehow I told her to give hers to me when I realized I was euphoric again yesterday afternoon. But why shouldn't I? The sky was clear, and despite me sweating a lot - think of a black shirt and walking around the campus with Les trying to print out an apparently virus-infected certificate - the winds eventually blew and almost gave me a reason to drop in the middle of the amphitheater and sleep.
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Okay. So we survived the poetry reading, although it wasn't as flawless as I expected it. I think I ruined it, partly, but there's always this faint hope that it's all for the sake of pushing the confusion theme forward. Before we performed, apparently, a janitor pressed the fire alarm by mistake and had me scurrying down to the fourth floor, only to be told that nothing's up. But, yes, the fire alarm's very disturbing, if not very loud - and, thinking that this term we've had two fire alarms go off because of a fire and not because of a fire drill...
But, as usual, today's terrible. Tuesdays always have been terrible. I went home in a bad mood and slept through the bus ride, but it didn't mean Tracy
was all alone. I go home and realize the tape recorder, which I'm using tomorrow, isn't working, and I'll have to stay up late again transcribing an interview. (I could've done it tomorrow morning, but then again, Ale
has the tape recorder I'm borrowing.) I'll be in school anyway, working on Tunog Berde and wearing black for the third straight day.
Today I really was wearing a lot of black - black shirt, black pants, black shoes, all for poetry's sake. Luckily for me my shirt had a bit of red in it, so I didn't have to worry about that red accent we weren't so sure about. I think I spent most of my break at the Yuchengco lobby, except probably for having the portfolio printed and eating lunch. Kizia
was out facilitating us - things have become sort of freeform, and it went well. Well, except for the fire alarm, my side comment when Jaja
thought I forgot my line, and me collapsing into a really bad mood afterwards.
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Last Friday I found myself waiting for Icka
to get dismissed. All the business I thought I had to go through meant me leaving my jacket at M208 and not getting it until many hours later. As normally happens for Sir Groyon's film classes
, they get dismissed after 17.30; in this case, they were out fifteen minutes later, but Ian said they went out once thirty minutes after. I got my jacket, nevertheless, and found myself giving her another tight hug.
Today was our turn - well, sort of. We finished watching 400 Blows
and left the classroom at 17.45. We've squashed another meeting for our poetry recital tomorrow, but I've at least explained things to Kizia
, who's to explain things to Josh. I thought about my jacket: I didn't bring it, but thinking that my meeting with Rainy was just something that could've been done through a text message, I found it funny to make a fuss out of it two days ago.
And it's normal that buses at this time are hard to find along Taft Avenue. If they're there, either they're full to the brim, or they're provincial - think about it, though, I do live in a province, and I go home daily to the province, although it's closer to a suburb than you think. So I stood at the corner of Taft and Castro, waiting for a bus to come. I had a small burrito earlier, because I thought the meeting would take long - even Jaja
thought Rainy could've been at the SC office where she was heading - but, as it turns out, I could have eaten more.
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There's been one thing Ranice
has kept on telling me in what already seems to be sporadic communication.
My fingers aren't enough to count the number of times she's told me that. And, even if I'm not asking for time, that's what she says. That word is one of my current buzzwords, aside from Karla's ha-ha
and my pores
pronounced Bea Alonzo-style.
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I actually feel sick, and I can't believe it. I don't really know - I went home with Ariane
from Shangri-la Plaza, watching this Dutch film Simon
, and I caught the cold. And now I have a cough, or so it seems. But I think it's just all the stress, both at school and... at school still.
Take a look at my mobile's calendar. On my to-do list, two interviews to set, and stuff to buy with my own money, initially. (I still can't figure out where to get the base for those mini Christmas trees I intend the kids at Hospicio de San Jose to do.) On my calendar, for the next seven days, I have a report, two meetings, a rehearsal, a poetry recital, a requirement, and two birthday greetings. It seems all I see now is a bold-faced number. Not the best time to not go to school, right?
At least I still got to enroll, but from a far-flung computer somewhere in Bulacan. Well, it's closer to Clarence
's hometown than you think, anyway, and it costs P15 per hour for a DSL connection, which is a really great deal. Then again, I forgot to call Anima up to set that interview, or even read bits from my handouts for tomorrow's quiz. (If you just want to know, it isn't in my calendar.) To be quite honest about it, this is probably the first time I wanted to say "can this go on faster, and satisfactorily at that?" - then again, we'll have to work for this entire thing.
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Consider me guilty. As of Thursday night, this photo is my mobile's wallpaper. And yes, I was sort of excited for this, because somehow I was surprised my mobile snapped a photo this clear. Oh, but I blame the lighting for it - a perfect sun, not too harsh, plus windy conditions at the amphitheater (which doesn't really make any difference, but it helps mentioning that).
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If it was a good way to start my day, I woke up at a little before nine, realizing nobody was waking me up. Yeah, if I did have a class it was at around 11.40, but today was a free cut, so I technically don't have any. Still anybody would understand that I somehow have to be in school despite that - first for the research, second for the meetings with the batch assembly, and third for the hope of catching a bit of whatever's going on in today's U-Break. And yet, I wake up realizing I'm alone in the house, which means I go to school all by myself.
And yet I did arrive in school, with two hours spared. Those two hours, I used to squeeze in unsuccessful research, loitering at the photography laboratory, walking around with Jaja
looking for Missy (to no avail), and getting for myself, for some particular reasons, two
committees to head, one each for two
Student Council projects, one being university-wide.
So I guess my trip was fruitful in a way, although I went home with the Internet connections down and the feeling that you've dumped way too much money on something you don't really need. And, again, I left a pen with Sars, and that despite reminding her not to lose it.
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So we indeed kept on hiding Meg
's mobile last Saturday, for the reason that she's utterly distracted by the brownies she decided to serve. One time, someone (can't remember who, but I do remember he's from the COE) hid it under the table at room 816 of the Discovery Suites. The other time, we - me and Jenn
, technically - hid it in different sofas before we decided to place it near the brownies themselves, just to add insult to injury. It was weirdly amusing, and when Meg found her mobile for the second time, before the two of us left, she vowed to hold on to it.
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It's weird it seems we're all not doing anything substantial. Or at least that's what I've been feeling recently. I do know Jaja
skipped Literature 2
class to do their field work, which means I almost spent an entire period with that Timmy guy - I was already rude to him, for when he wants everyone's attention we all cover our ears - until Miss Pam announced yet another early dismissal. I do know Dhi still had to bring her laptop along for that paper. I do know I haven't seen much people today, probably a result of being busy with whatever it is they're busy about.
And yet I don't feel busy.
Then again I'll soon be deep over, among others, research for Filipino 3 class, both a poetry festival and
a play for Literature 2 class, the study I've been working on, an interview with a journalist, television shows to watch, film notes to write - and, of course, wrestling with hard-to-find handouts. Yes, the funny thing about our handouts for tomorrow is, nobody seems to be able to see it, even John
- to think everybody else thought he probably got it first. But no, he hasn't, apparently.
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What? We have classes tomorrow?
Oh, but it's all part of inevitable facts of Lasallian life. As Sir Marasigan once said - and I can't remember the exact wording, or whether what I'm saying it faithful to what he told us - there is no such thing as a vacation in DLSU
per se. the most we all get is a month for summer. Today's "vacation" is a day long, or you can give it more hours depending on when your next class tomorrow starts, and obviously it isn't enough to get things done.
Isn't it that in a vacation you're supposed to get yourself doing worthwhile things? At least that's what the textbook definition says. Well, aside from sleeping thrice
this afternoon and reread Chronicles of a Death Foretold
, I'm seated in this computer, just finished typing in the paper for the book I just read - basically, crammed the thing, despite vowing to read the book on the weekend and think about it on Monday. And, after both Kaymee and Kizia
did their asking (and again I think I wasn't of much help), it seems nothing much good has been done.
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